I posted a selfie on FB today of my new outfit that I got at Value Village yesterday (skirt, sweater, and pretty scarf), and my grandma posts this: "You look like a Woodburn Russian woman." If you don't know (and I'd be incredibly surprised if you did), Woodburn, Oregon is home to many Russian Old Believers, who were granted asylum due to Soviet persecution in the 70s and 80s. If you've been to the Woodburn Walmart and seen the Russian women, you would understand that this is NOT a compliment at ALL. And coming from my grandma, this is nothing new, so naturally, I spin this backhanded compliment into a sarcastic retort: "Excellent. That's TOTALLY the look I was going for." Next, my best friend jumps into the fray and lets my grandma have it up one side and down the other, which then causes her to backpedal furiously and try to explain that "it wasn't meant to be an insult; I've seen many beautiful Russian women and love how they keep their culture." Um, right. This is the first time I've ever heard ANYONE in my family say anything complementary about the Russians. Not two comments later, the thread devolves into my grandma spewing out a bunch of word vomit about how my mother owes her a bunch of money because my grandma claims she selflessly paid all my mother's outstanding bills (when she actually bullied my mother into taking the money when she didn't even want it in the first place). Jesus fucking Christ. And then at the very end, grandma waxes nostalgic about how she took me to see Pavarotti and how much she misses doing that with me.

And people wonder why I left Oregon.